WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.
Divorces can be messy, but when financial betrayals and broken family dynamics come into play, they can lead to permanent fractures. OP, a father of two, is in the midst of a bitter divorce from his wife, who has a history of deceit, abuse, and financial irresponsibility. In an unfortunate turn of events, his ex-wife drained their children's college savings accounts, leaving them without the means to continue their education.
Rather than holding their mother accountable, the children turned to OP, expecting him to replenish the funds. Feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated, OP contemplates leaving it all behind—selling his share of the business, moving states, and cutting financial ties with his kids. Would he be justified in choosing his own peace, or would he be abandoning his children when they need him most?
'WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.'
Expert Opinion:
Parental obligations don’t end at 18, but financial responsibility has its limits. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist, explains that “adult children raised in high-conflict or abusive households often struggle with independence and accountability, particularly if they were conditioned to rely on a parent who acted as a safety net”.
In OP’s case, his children may be emotionally unprepared to stand up to their mother, making it easier for them to expect financial help from their father.
However, Dr. Laura Markham, an expert in family conflict resolution, warns that “walking away entirely can permanently damage parent-child relationships. While boundaries are necessary, emotional support should remain intact”.
OP must ask himself if cutting off his children financially also means cutting them off emotionally—and whether that’s a decision he can live with.
Analyzing the Conflict:
This issue isn’t just about money—it’s about deep-seated family dysfunction and emotional trauma. OP’s ex-wife’s history of deceit has already harmed the family, and her actions have placed the children in a tough spot. Their reluctance to confront their mother suggests a level of emotional dependency, even after her betrayal.
From OP’s perspective, exhaustion is understandable. He warned his kids, they ignored him, and now they expect him to fix the damage. However, their inaction may stem from emotional conditioning rather than laziness. If OP completely abandons them now, it could reinforce their sense of instability—even if he believes he’s justified.
Professional Insights:
Dr. Terri Apter, a developmental psychologist, explains that “children of high-conflict divorces often suffer from emotional paralysis, making them unable to make mature decisions. They fear confrontation and would rather seek comfort in the familiar, even if it’s harmful”.
This could explain why OP’s children hesitate to take action against their mother—they’re conditioned to rely on him for solutions.
Additionally, financial expert Dave Ramsey argues that “helping adult children financially isn’t inherently wrong, but enabling financial irresponsibility can be damaging”. If OP walks away, he should clarify that he is setting boundaries—not abandoning them emotionally.
Solutions & Lessons Learned:
- Encouraging Accountability: OP should discuss legal options with his children regarding their mother. If they refuse, they must take responsibility for their choices.
- Partial Support Instead of Full Cutoff: Offering emotional support without financial rescue sets boundaries while maintaining the parent-child relationship.
- Therapy and Counseling: If their inaction stems from emotional trauma, therapy might help them move toward independence.
- Legal Recourse Against Ex-Wife: If OP has legal standing regarding the misused funds, consulting a lawyer could be beneficial.
- Personal Reflection: OP should evaluate whether this decision is about personal peace or frustration. Walking away entirely is permanent—is he prepared for that?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Is it wrong for the Redditor to step away from the responsibilities he feels stuck in, or is it time for his children to take ownership of their future? Would cutting them off be the right decision in this case, or should he continue to support them? Share your thoughts on this difficult family dilemma.