Getting married is such a significant business. Whenever we think about it, the first thing that comes to our mind is the long-lasting relationship. Marriage is certainly one of the most important decisions in a person's life. It's when you are choosing to live the rest of your life with that one person. Therefore, when people decide to get married, they think of having a beautiful family, dedicating their life, and raising their children together.
Getting married is awesome, but it's also possibly the biggest party you'll ever plan in your life in many aspects. Weddings are delightful, and of course, would not be possible without some elbow grease, hard work, and one or two breakdowns. So, if you're planning to walk down the aisle soon, we've got some jokes that will definitely help you destress.
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository."
Wife: "No, it means… With Idiot For Ever!!"
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."
Getting married is awesome, but it's also possibly the biggest party you'll ever plan in your life in many aspects. Weddings are delightful, and of course, would not be possible without some elbow grease, hard work, and one or two breakdowns. So, if you're planning to walk down the aisle soon, we've got some jokes that will definitely help you destress.
#1. A husband said to his wife
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Source: Flickr
#2. A little boy asked
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Source: CC-BY
#3. A man meets a genie
The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provide that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
Source: Flickr
#4. Aspirin
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache.""Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository."
Source: GNU Free Documentation License
#5. At the party
A nagging old woman at a party walked up to a belligerent old man and told him, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink!" To which he replied, "If you were my wife, I would drink it!"
Source: GNU Free Documentation License
#6. At the wedding
A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear." Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?"
Source: CC0
#7. Before and After
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Source: CC-BY
#8. Do you know the true meaning of WIFE?
Husband: "It means Without Information, Fighting Everytime."Wife: "No, it means… With Idiot For Ever!!"
Source: Flickr
#9. Happy marriage
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Source: CC-BY
#10. How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Source: Flickr
#11. How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?
Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.
Source: Flickr
#12. If men were in charge of weddings
Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
Source: CC0
#13. If your wife laughs at your joke
It means you either have a good joke or a good wife.
Source: Flickr
#14. Lucky Escape?
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before our nuptials. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!'
Source: CC-BY
#15. Men are like floor tiles
If you can lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
Source: CC-BY
#16. Millionaire husband
A woman was telling her friend, "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."
Source: Flickr
#17. To be happy with a man
You must understand him a lot and love him a little.
Source: Flickr
#18. Very Good Reason
An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?""There is." he replied, "Breakfast."
Source: CC-BY
#19. Wedding ring
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Source: CC-BY
#20. What is the difference between a marriage and a war?
A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together.
Source: GNU Free Documentation License
#21. What's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?
Out-laws are wanted!
Source: GNU Free Documentation License
#22. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!
Source: Flickr
#23. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Because single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed, whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge!
Source: Flickr
#24. Why do you keep reading our marriage license?
I'm looking for a loophole.
Source: GNU Free Documentation License
#25. Words to live by
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
Source: GNU Free Documentation License