Everyone has instances when they act in a particular way and almost feel guilty about it. There must be someone else in the world who engages in similar guilty pleasure behavior given that there are 8 billion individuals. Some of these people have eloquently and relatably articulated some of our insanely private tendencies and behaviors, which we hope you will like and delight in as much as we did.
#1 Reading The Instructions On A Food Package, Tossing It In The Garbage, And Then Retrieving It Because You’ve Already Forgotten Everything
Source: Demilked
Why do we expect we’ll be able to recall exactly how much milk we need as opposed to water?
#2 In Order To “Make It In One Trip,” You’re Carrying Far Too Much From Your Car
Source: Demilked
A second trip? Don’t be ridiculous. It would be better to just simply hop inside the house while holding the milk between your knees and balancing an infinite amount of plastic bags on each arm.
#3 Pace The House When You’re On A Long Phone Call
Source: Demilked
Long phone conversations always necessitate a few excursions from the living room to the dining room, followed by a stop in the bedroom, before making your way back to the kitchen. We’re not sure why. It is exercise, at least.
#4 Using Your Phone To Check Out The Internet While You’re Actually Taking A Break from Your Computer
Source: Demilked
Perhaps the tiny internet offers something more intresting or more authentic than what the larger internet does.
#5 Not Washing The Dishes
Source: Demilked
Those who did not have a stack of dishes in the sink when they were not being reminded to wash them. Then, in order to rip it off, you must soak it for 30 minutes.
#6 Doing That Cozy-In-Bed Cricket Leg Rub
Source: Demilked
Do you ever feel like rubbing your legs together like a cricket when you slide into a newly made bed? What in the world gave rise to such instinct? Making the bed feel cozier still, it’s as though you’re attempting to kindle a fire with your legs.
#7 Bringing A Book To The Beach But Not Actually Reading It
Source: Demilked
Opening up that brand-new bestseller and reading it was something you had every intention of doing. But instead, you just took a bunch of foot selfies next to the water before dozing off.
#8 Wielding A Bare Wrapping Paper Tube As A Lightsaber
Source: Demilked
When your supply of wrapping paper runs out, you are left with a cardboard tube. How about you? The obvious response is to begin making lightsaber noises and spinning it like Ewan McGregor. (What else should I do?)
#9 Eating A “Family Size” Bag Of Chips By Yourself
Source: Demilked
It is not your fault! For some reason, Doritos don’t come with an emergency kill switch to close the bag before it’s too late. The Godfather was playing on cable, the bag was on your lap, and it’s a loooong movie.
#10 Rehearsing A Conversation In Your Head That You’ll Probably Never Have
Source: Demilked
That one colleague at work who doesn’t take you seriously won’t know what hit him when you deliver the epic speech you’ve been drafting and honing for months. Even if you never say any of it aloud, the fact that it is at least in your head is enough reward.
#11 Pretending To Be In A Movie While Listening To Music On Headphones and Walking Down the Streets
Source: Demilked
It’s probably playing the soundtrack of your own action-adventure film, in which you play the main character.
#12 Sneak A “Sniff” Test
Source: Demilked
We’ve all been there: You smell something unsavory and become concerned that it might be you, so you nonchalantly raise your arm and angle your head to smell your pits. This tactic also functions when you are unsure of whether you have on deodorant.
#13 Purchasing Plenty Fresh Vegetables For A Week And Not Using Any Of It
Source: Demilked
After work, you continued to order delivery, and before you knew it, the vegetables started to spoil.
#14 Carefully Examining A Product At The Grocery Store Because The One You Actually want Is Blocked By A Customer
Source: Demilked
You may not always be in the mood for an embarrassing circumstance like saying “excuse me” to a stranger so you can get a package of cauliflower rice. So you’ve spent your precious time learning everything you can about a jar of gherkins while you’ve been waiting for someone to move out of the way at the grocery store.
#15
Source: Demilked
It could be a tiny 0.25-liter bottle or an enormous 2-liter container. Everyone takes a drink from the bottle, without using glasses or cups, whatever is poured into it.
#16
Source: Demilked
We strive to find the ideal balance between eye contact and looking away so that it doesn’t feel awkward. But you spend so much time thinking about yourself that you want to rethink things.
#17 Rewinding The Song Because You Zoned Out
Source: Demilked
You know when you’re halfway done and realize you haven’t given the masterpiece enough thought, so you have to start over? I’ve done this once three times in a row.